Choices

Does deceptive companionship outweigh loneliness

Is the ambiguity of silence more comfortable than the weight of heavy tension

Is anyone honest anymore

We all crave to be understood yet do not know how to reach to be felt

Our innermost desires scare us more than anything

Can we fix it

The world needs us all to provide our magic touch

St. Barts!!!

Finally I got to check out the infamous island of St. Barts!  For years I've heard about this place, it's super exclusive, beautiful, and high class.  I must say, it did not disappoint.  I was lucky enough to go with a guy I was dating at the time, who's been a few times.  He knew the lay of the land, and where cool restaurants and beaches were.

We stayed in this cute place in the hills with an amazing view of St. Jean and Eden Rock (above).  We had dinner at Eden Rock the first night and it was very romantic.  The weather was perfect; we sat outside on a deck overlooking the ocean while my hair and silk dress blew in the wind.  The food was great, too.  We shared scallops with truffle gnocchi and a veal chop with mushrooms.  What an amazing experience on day 1 in St. Barts!  

Day 2 we drove around for a little bit.  We rented a mini VW convertible which was super fun. Most of the cars on the island are small, and the way the roads whip and turn you feel like you're in a video game!  We checked out some viewpoints then came home and made breakfast.  

We headed back out to check out Nikki Beach.  This place was gorgeous, a white themed classy beach club kissed by turquoise water.  The vibe here is high caliber, you're surrounded by people living life to the fullest! 

Saturday night we checked out Bagatelle.  There's one in NYC, so if you know Bagatelle you know exactly what you're getting into, FUN!  

The next morning we cooked breakfast again.  It's so nice to sleep in, make coffee, and have your boyfriend cook you breakfast, again.  :)

You know how beach vacations go.  They're quite chill.  We really had no agenda other than to keep checking out the island, drive around, have a drink, lay out, beach it, drink again, repeat.  Oh yeah, and eat!  So that's what we did.  

We had dinner at Le Ti the last night.  That place is sexy!  They do a burlesque show almost every hour!  The vibe is sexy, sexy people, great ambiance, great food.  Definitely a must see in St. Barts!

The flight out was just as beautiful as the experience.  I sure hope I can get back to St. Barts one day.  :)

Arriving at 5:20 p.m.

Tonight was my first yoga class since Thursday, (I'm still on my post Thanksgiving workout kick), and I was so excited to be there!  The first thing I thought when I laid down on my mat was, I've arrived.  That thought surprised me, mainly because it was 5:20 p.m. and I'd been up since 7:00 a.m.  I worked all day, and not until 5:20 p.m. I felt like I had arrived?  Huh?  Was I not awake all day? Maybe it's like I wasn't awake on the inside?

What an unexpected moment of perspective.  To realize how much time I had been awake, but not feeling like I had arrived.  What does that mean?  Maybe it's just as simple as yoga being my happy place and finally, I was there?

Maybe.  But why don't we feel that alive, all the time?  We should!  This is not a dress rehearsal folks, we only get one shot at this life.  Often we get so caught up in our mundane tasks and patterns we forget to actually LIVE.

I just finished "tuesdays with Morrie" which basically outlines that exact thought.  It's about a middle aged man reflecting back on his college years' fond memories of his favorite professor.  He finds out this professor has a terminal illness and decides to visit him, not knowing the rest of his life would be forever changed.  I don't want to ruin the ending, but the principal is that life is short, and we often don't do what we REALLY want until we know we're running out of time.  Until we know our chances are diminishing.  Isn't that so ridiculous.  We're all guilty of it.  It's easy to get caught up in your lucrative career because it provides you a great lifestyle, when really you would love to be an art teacher or back up dancer.  You create a life (and bills) up to your pay check and it's just too hard to turn back from it.  Yeah, that sounds real familiar.

Anyway - I just wanted to share, because hopefully this is inspiring to someone.  I'm definitely inspired.  If we could all live to our full potential, and follow our real passion and not be afraid to let our authentic light shine on this world, it would be a much better place.

Working on brightening my light, grab your sunglasses folks!!  ;)

Juicy Peaches

I really enjoyed my conversation tonight with one of my best girlfriends.  I've known her for 16 years.  We lived together in college, we would dance together at frat parties and laugh until the weeeee hours of the morning.  Are you asleep we would ask each other laying in our bunk beds.....  Nope.

She just moved to Cincinnati for her husband's promotion.  They have a 1 year old and everything is different and unfamiliar to her in this new town of two months.  Tonight she described how her toddler threw his fork at her because he couldn't puncture his juicy peach sliding around on his plate, and how every home in her new town has history.  She has an 80 year old neighbor that teaches emotional support dance classes where you pour your emotions into modern dance as therapy.  This lady actually has a dance floor in her living room.  I mean, WHAT!  Why are you not there right now!  That may be one of the most amazing things I've ever heard.

We also chatted about my new life in NYC.  My job, my travels, and my dating life which is nothing short of entertaining.  I should write a book she said....  I've heard that before.  But what is the purpose of pouring out your most sensitive, hilarious, frightening, crazy, and emotional experiences onto paper?  It would be a great story they have said....  Is that what they write movies about?

Tonight was a special moment for me.  I was finally able to look at myself and see myself in solidarity.  A reflection from my friend.  One who I love and trust.  A welcoming perspective, clear and beautiful.  Her life beautiful.  My life beautiful.  A moment of seeing time, this intangible in a moment.  Tonight not only did I feel it, I saw it.  A picture of 16 years, vividly clear in one place.  Our growth, collectively and individually.  Of life, how it works, how it happens, and how it unfolds.

Collect moments, not things, they say....

Tonight was special.  Little Jose and his juicy peach.  ;)

I Keeps It Moving

A great woman takes risks, keeps moving, exploring the corners of her world to uncover how much more she can shine to contribute to better this world and herself.  

Some relationships are forever.

Some experiences are not. 

Experience as many chapters as you can in this life. Create more space for discovery in your life. But streamline the values you desire throughout all of them. 

Experience. This. World.

That is all.  #ThoughtOfTheDay 

In A Flash

Where did it start if it never really began

A whirlwind, I never thought this could've been the end

Flashing lights cover dim bulbs
Bulbs fragile like entering a new world
Comfort cracking breaks our familiar peace
Bulbs dropping breaking us into exposed pieces
Enduring the awkward always trumps defeat
Candy stores sometimes, they're just too damn sweet

Eggshells

I can feel myself growing out of my shell.  I'm cracking.  Like a bird breaking out of his shell to start his life, I am going through a rebirth.  One that has probably been 10 years in the making.  A skin I am shedding, but the experiences always there.

It's like going through your old clothes.  Do you have shirts or jeans you've had for 10 years?  10 years?????  I know I can barely believe it, but I was guilty of that.  You finally get tired of the "same old shit."  My shell is cracking from interior growth, and now my exterior wants a revamp too.  I demand to celebrate myself more fiercely in every way.

Each day I walk on my eggshells in frustration and excitement.  "They say it's about the journey."  UGH.  And the end is death and/or being so old, or retiring.  I don't want it to be done.  Maybe that's what I'm afraid of.  That time is passing too fast.  I'm still unsure about so many things, direction, investment, wow how much more time do I have?  How has this much time passed?

I must act.  I must change gears.  A higher gear.


I'm evolving into a real woman.  New York has evoked change upon me.  If New York teaches you anything, it forces you to know yourself.  You really have no other choice.  The energy and people around you, it's about survival really.  At 34 I think I finally feel like an adult.  Kinda.  ;)  I'm rediscovering who I want to be,  and learning how to blast this new inner light to its maximum.  Getting to know yourself like you're getting to know a new friend.  Perspective is changing, reevaluating your purpose.  It's scary and exciting at the same time, and with a rebirth I can only become...better.

Hi eggshells, I see you.  :)