I Just Met You, No You Can't Touch My Side Boob!

For years now I've been told I should write about my dating stories.  I've hesitated for various reasons but today is the day I share my most recent dating experience.  Let me say in no way am I ever trying to make fun of anyone, I've just been told I need to share my dating stories because my friends think they're highly entertaining.  :)  I actually haven't dated in a while so recently I refreshed my Tinder profile uploading of course the most recent and advantageous photos.

I matched with an inquisitive looking artist, a type I typically don't date.  I figured he'd be interesting and I'd be trying something new, hey you never know!  We agreed to meet for a drink at an Italian place downtown after work at 5pm.  It was somewhat of a last minute arrangement so I wasn't wearing the cutest outfit.  I felt a little frumpy and in my last choice of work clothes, but hey, this is the real me, right?  If he can't handle me at my worst he doesn't deserve me at my best, is that how that saying goes?  Okkurrrrt!

He's on time and we grab a seat in their heated covered patio in the back of the restaurant.  We each order a glass of red wine and talk about how long we've been in New York, where we're from and how life is.  We actually touch on past relationships and how important communication is.  WOW, how refreshing this is, I'm thinking.  So nice to feel depth so early!  There happens to be a jazz bar downstairs so we agree to check out the show and have another glass of wine.

It's somewhat of a small jazz bar, potentially only sitting 30 people, very dark and intimate.  We're sitting side by side with our backs up against a brick wall in high chairs behind a row of high top tables.  There are folks to our left, right, and front, also including the jazz band 15 feet away.  As first dates sometimes are, awkward, we're sitting close, hands on each others legs swaying back in forth to the music.  We actually got in trouble for talking once so we're really just sitting there feeling the vibes.  He was an attractive man and a very talented artist so I must say I was into the moment.  We ended up sharing a kiss or two while we enjoyed the music.

About halfway through the show he reaches over and puts his arm around me, OK, all good.  But soon I feel his fingers start to reach down past my shoulder, down my arm and toward my rib, but then to my side boob!  What!  I think I've known him an hour by this point!  OK, I can jolt (looking back I should have), but I politely moved my arm back to push his fingers away.  But oh, do you think that was his only attempt, of course not!  After a few more unsuccessful attempts he brought his arm back up over my shoulder but coincidentally his fingers were dangling close to the opening of my shirt collar so guess where his hands start to go.  Yep.  DOWN THE FRONT CORNER OF MY BLOUSE.  I literally had to smack his hand like a little boy to tell him to stop.  I'm boiling by this point.  What indicators have I given him to do this?  Remember, I'm in my frumpy work clothes, it's only 6:30pm by this point, I mean WHAT THE HELL!

The waiter comes by and asks if we want another drink, I had just told him I wanted to go home because I didn't want to stay out late on a school night.  Really I was completely disinterested and wanted to leave.  I'm not sure he got my hints because when I asked him which train he was taking home he leans in and says "I think we're going in the same direction" with a smirk.  OH, IS THAT RIGHT??

I'm still boiling, but more so sad and disappointed.

We get to the train and I mention I'm going north and he immediately turns and says "OK" and starts walking in that direction.  Ummmm.  I stopped and looked at him and said, "NO, I AM going this way."  He claims he can go this way too and continues to walk with me.  I cannot wait to spoil his idea if he thinks he's going home with me.  So we're on the train and I ask what stop he's getting off on, and he says "We're really not going to hang out?"  I leaned into him and said "I'm 36 years old and completely OK not going home with you tonight, this is our first date, can we not get to know each other some?"  He looked surprised.

So yeah, now I'm a bitch.  The truth is he has no idea how much of a bitch I can be.

The vibe of course immediately changes and he gets off his stop and says bye in a much more friendly manner.  He messages me the following day saying it was great meeting me and it "was cute how I was rubbing his hand." I never responded.  A few days later he messages me again saying if he did "anything that made me feel unpleasant" he apologies.  Gee, thanks.

So that's it, that's the dating story.  The sad part is, I'm actually out here looking for a HUSBAND, a PARTNER.  Women of my caliber are looking for someone who is responsible, RESPECTFUL, kind, with manners.  Heads up to any man who is trying to take a girl home on the first date don't try with a girl in frumpy work clothes who meets you at 5pm.  Thanks!

In A Flash

Where did it start if it never really began

A whirlwind, I never thought this could've been the end

Flashing lights cover dim bulbs
Bulbs fragile like entering a new world
Comfort cracking breaks our familiar peace
Bulbs dropping breaking us into exposed pieces
Enduring the awkward always trumps defeat
Candy stores sometimes, they're just too damn sweet

I haven't written in a long time. I just moved to New York City six months ago, so there hasn't been many spare moments to gather my thoughts that I'm still really processing. However, I read this amazing article and it sounded so much like me. Trying to make friends in a city of 8 million people is more difficult than you would think. I found a friend in this article and I wanted to share. :)



She’s worth it, your wild one.
She will set your world on fire, if you are brave enough to let her.

She will enchant you, fulfill you and challenge you. She wants you to know her, so that you can love her, quirks and all.

She wants you to understand that your adorned magnolia walls can’t hold her inside, not for long. Your expensive beamed ceilings can never be high enough or remarkable enough to be worth missing a glimpse of her beloved azure sky. Your home is a beautiful prison certainly, but it destroys her all the same.

Her spirit paces the enclosed room like a caged tigress, tail swishing furiously, looking for escape. She longs to run free. Show her a meadow full of colour, where she can dance among sunflowers. Let her roam outside with no fancy ornaments or gadgets to distract her creativity, just breeze and rolling hills. Lay with her on cool grass, fingers entwined, and watch the stars blaze a path of glory across an inky midnight sky.

Don’t ask her to sit and play happy family with you. She doesn’t care if you buy the white toaster or the black one, or whether the neighbours have a bigger car than the two of you. She isn’t interested in chasing the extra dollar to have that standard resort vacation, or attending to mindless gossip. Let her dream of a far off glen, glistening ethereally in the soft light of the rising sun. Take her to listen to the song of the dawn birds, for they are all the small talk she needs.

She doesn’t iron the sheets, or, well, anything really. She is too busy curling up with a book, engrossed in a shiny new world waiting to be explored. She has never been able to relate to the domesticated heroines of old; tumbling from her own bed to her next adventure, wild haired and bright eyed. People tell her she is beautiful in her crumpled clothes and muddy boots. Passion always is. Recognise it. Worship it. Not everyone is blessed with it and it’s not something you can fake for too long.

She may not cook you a gourmet meal, but she loves food and she delights in feeding you. Let her. She won’t follow a recipe; she will trust her imagination, throwing in delicious colours and smells as they appeal to her. Let her wrap you in small strong arms, cover you in flour and sprinkle magic into your life. She will kiss you with a mouth that tingles with spices, leaving you hungry for more. She will never let your lips starve for her.

She won’t knit for you. She is young and restless and her time is too precious to spare. Her hands have more important things to explore right now. Your face, for instance; fingers lovingly remembering every last detail. She memorises the way you shudder when she lightly strokes your collarbone and how your stubble feels against her fingertips. This satisfies her far more than a ball of yarn ever could.

Let her breathe, your wild one. She will only stay if it feels right. Your mortal hands cannot bind her by holding her too tightly. Show her your fantasies and you might inspire her. She will tell you a story about what she longs to do with you, and to you. You should stop speaking then and listen. Her words are enchantments that weave mystery into your life, and her visions will never leave you, even when you ache to forget them. In years to come you will crave the power of her dreams, and others will pale in the shadow of her intensity.

She must run away now, the stars are calling her and life tugs at her soul ready for another adventure. She cannot be tamed. Love her if you will, or let her go. She cannot do this by halves.

She is chaos; she is freedom. She wants you to join her if you can. You know where to find her. You have seen her there in your head.

She will wait for you as always, where the wild things are.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/01/shell-meet-you-where-the-wild-things-are/



Author: JoJo Rowden



JoJo Rowden is a Business Analyst/ Story Teller for a Software Consultancy by day, with an undeniable passion for writing. She draws energy and inspiration from the ocean, letting the endless and consistent churning of the waves soothe her soul. In her free time she can be found practicing yoga, sharing good wine with good friends, pole dancing and reading anything that she can get her hands on. Catch up with JoJo on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Dating or Love?

Not often do I allow someone else's words to speak for mine, but this piece sums up my thoughts and feelings SO well on dating these days; I had to imprint every single one of Jamie Varon's words on my blog. Any guy that wants to date me, read every single word below. And put your damn phone and hash tags to rest, Jesus. Social media validation seems more important these days than actual in person experience and validation. Not my preference or my style!

This Is How We Date Now

Jamie Varon

We don’t commit now. We don’t see the point. They’ve always said there are so many fish in the sea, but never before has that sea of fish been right at our fingertips on OkCupid, Tinder, Grindr, Dattch, take your pick. We can order up a human being in the same way we can order up pad thai on Seamless. We think intimacy lies in a perfectly-executed string of emoji. We think effort is a “good morning” text. We say romance is dead, because maybe it is, but maybe we just need to reinvent it. Maybe romance in our modern age is putting the phone down long enough to look in each other’s eyes at dinner. Maybe romance is deleting Tinder off your phone after an incredible first date with someone. Maybe romance is still there, we just don’t know what it looks like now.

When we choose—if we commit—we are still one eye wandering at the options. We want the beautiful cut of filet mignon, but we’re too busy eyeing the mediocre buffet, because choice. Because choice. Our choices are killing us. We think choice means something. We think opportunity is good. We think the more chances we have, the better. But, it makes everything watered-down. Never mind actually feeling satisfied, we don’t even understand what satisfaction looks like, sounds like, feels like. We’re one foot out the door, because outside that door is more, more, more. We don’t see who’s right in front of our eyes asking to be loved, because no one is asking to be loved. We long for something that we still want to believe exists. Yet, we are looking for the next thrill, the next jolt of excitement, the next instant gratification.

We soothe ourselves and distract ourselves and, if we can’t even face the demons inside our own brain, how can we be expected to stick something out, to love someone even when it’s not easy to love them? We bail. We leave. We see a limitless world in a way that no generation before us has seen. We can open up a new tab, look at pictures of Portugal, pull out a Visa, and book a plane ticket. We don’t do this, but we can. The point is that we know we can, even if we don’t have the resources to do so. There are always other tantalizing options. Open up Instagram and see the lives of others, the life we could have. See the places we’re not traveling to. See the lives we’re not living. See the people we’re not dating. We bombard ourselves with stimuli, input, input, input, and we wonder why we’re miserable. We wonder why we’re dissatisfied. We wonder why nothing lasts and everything feels a little hopeless. Because, we have no idea how to see our lives for what they are, instead of what they aren’t.

And, even if we find it. Say we find that person we love who loves us. Commitment. Intimacy. “I love you.” We do it. We find it. Then, quickly, we live it for others. We tell people we’re in a relationship on Facebook. We throw our pictures up on Instagram. We become a “we.” We make it seem shiny and perfect because what we choose to share is the highlight reel. We don’t share the 3am fights, the reddened eyes, the tear-stained bedsheets. We don’t write status updates about how their love for us shines a light on where we don’t love ourselves. We don’t tweet 140 characters of sadness when we’re having the kinds of conversations that can make or break the future of our love. This is not what we share. Shiny picture. Happy couple. Love is perfect.

Then, we see these other happy, shiny couples and we compare. We are The Emoji Generation. Choice Culture. The Comparison Generation. Measuring up. Good enough. The best. Never before have we had such an incredible cornucopia of markers for what it looks like to live the Best Life Possible. We input, input, input and soon find ourselves in despair. We’ll never be good enough, because what we’re trying to measure up to just does not fucking exist. These lives do not exist. These relationships do not exist. Yet, we can’t believe it. We see it with our own eyes. And, we want it. And, we will make ourselves miserable until we get it.

So, we break up. We break up because we’re not good enough, our lives aren’t good enough, our relationship isn’t good enough. We swipe, swipe, swipe, just a bit more on Tinder. We order someone up to our door just like a pizza. And, the cycle starts again. Emoji. “Good morning” text. Intimacy. Put down the phone. Couple selfie. Shiny, happy couple. Compare. Compare. Compare. The inevitable creeping in of latent, subtle dissatisfaction. The fights. “Something is wrong, but I don’t know what it is.” “This isn’t working.” “I need something more.” And, we break up. Another love lost. Another graveyard of shiny, happy couple selfies.

On to the next. Searching for the elusive more. The next fix. The next gratification. The next quick hit. Living our lives in 140 characters, 5 second snaps, frozen filtered images, four minute movies, attention here, attention there. More as an illusion. We worry about settling, all the while making ourselves suffer thinking that anything less than the shiny, happy filtered life we’ve been accustomed to is settling. What is settling? We don’t know, but we fucking don’t want it. If it’s not perfect, it’s settling. If it’s not glittery filtered love, settling. If it’s not Pinterest-worthy, settling.

We realize that this more we want is a lie. We want phone calls. We want to see a face we love absent of the blue dim of a phone screen. We want slowness. We want simplicity. We want a life that does not need the validation of likes, favorites, comments, upvotes. We may not know yet that we want this, but we do. We want connection, true connection. We want a love that builds, not a love that gets discarded for the next hit. We want to come home to people. We want to lay down our heads at the end of our lives and know we lived well, we lived the fuck out of our lives. This is what we want even if we don’t know it yet.

Yet, this is not how we date now. This is not how we love now.

"To The Women With Warm Hearts & Cold Hands"

There are no words I can use to sum up this article that would do it any better justice than to read it. THANK YOU Naomi Honon for writing such a beautiful piece.  It's nice to know I'm not alone out there in my thoughts.  That is why I write, and you have done the same for me.  Thank you.

Via Naomi Honon Dec 3, 2014
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/12/to-the-women-with-warm-hearts-cold-hands/


I don’t know how you like your coffee on misty mornings.

I don’t know which rooftop you kick your favorite sneakers off to climb, what haunts your thoughts at night or what makes you want to stand up and fight. But I do know you—and I know your heart.

You are the woman who zips her own dress up for work every morning. The woman laughing under the rain without anyone to help you jump over puddles. The woman who runs up stairs and double checks locks before ending every day. The woman curled up under sheets, in the corner of a bed meant for two.

I know you because we share the same heart.

We all arrived here through different roads, different highways and different dirt paths. Some of us are bruised. Some of us are spotless. How we got here doesn’t matter—only how we’re tied together.

We are the women who spend our sweatpants-wearing Sunday afternoons alone. The women who treat ourselves to fancy Valentine’s Day dinners. The women who buy ourselves carnations after making mistakes.

We are the women who’ve decided to bravely put love on the back burner. We know we’ll one day be mothers of beautiful children who’ll share the same clusters of freckles on their noses. We know there’ll come a time when we’ll look into someone’s eyes and see a reflection of our dreams.

We never for a second doubt that we deserve all this or that it’ll happen. But we know that now is not that time, and we accept it with grace and patience.

Couples in black and white romantic movies make us smile without wincing. We sing along to cheesy ballads on radios knowing that one day, one of them will be sung for us. We go to sleep every night happy no one’s taken our minds hostage. We aren’t waiting. We aren’t still, or frozen with hope. We are in a constant state of motion, dedicating everyday to ourselves and the goals our souls ache for.

To the women with warm hearts and cold hands, I hope you know how brave you are.

Solitude can get deafening sometimes, but self-sufficiency is a trait even warriors have trouble mastering. You are your own commander, fighting frostbite, fidgeting in your mittens. Never apologize for the fires you light.

Carry our flag with you and know you’ll never be alone.

Beside you stands an army of women marching to the same heartbeat in bedrooms that are oceans and countries away, carrying the same promises to themselves throughout their days. Who never allow anyone to tell them what they should have, or who they should need.

And never let anyone tell them when love should, or shouldn’t be.

Poetry

I love being lazy but it makes me sad

I hate being busy but it makes me glad

Long days and long nights got me feeling all mad

But I look in the mirror and it's all I've ever had 

Right ones and wrong ones at the same damn time

I realize I got some strong sunshine 

Numbness and the clouds give me a great pause 

Progression is what I want but I'm all wrapped up in gauze 

My speed was controllable

I could handle what I ate

Now I'm consumed

Cruise control on and I can't find the brakes

Toxicity in my veins

Sometimes it's a little too much on my brain

Is this what it's supposed to feel like

I'm drowning in my own pool of pain

Enjoying the fruits

Is nothing like the work it takes to make it through

Powerful

Tenacious

Clouded

Is it worth giving up all I know

And love

For the freedom my soul wants to choose to grow

Rainbows on the horizon set sparkle in my eyes 

movement in my hips make me realize

It's quite easy to make it change

And Dollars come quick 

How much will I sacrifice

How many grams of my soul am I losing in the meantime to make it in this race

It's so quick

Guys - ASK FOR HER NUMBER!

Man, I don't know if I'm more sad or mad at the dating scene these days. It seems most men want to skip over the courting and dating and go straight to your bedroom. Why the rush? Is the world about to end, did I miss the memo?!

I'm not posting this rant after a one time experience. Over the past few years that I've tried dating, even dating sites, I'm frustrated with the lack of old school chivalry skills I've encountered, if at all. I can understand asking a girl out in person may be nerve wracking and/or awkward for a man. But it's really not that difficult. All it really takes is five simple words - "Can I call you sometime?"

I know guys are just as weary of being turned down as we all are. I get it!  BUT - there are TONS of fish in the sea!  Like they say, men and women are like buses, if you miss one it's OK, another one is coming in 15 minutes!

Asking a girl out in person may be tough, but it's doable.  So, you would think over email, a guy wouldn't have a problem asking for your number, right? WRONG. In my experience 99.999% of the guys I've met on a dating site always drop THEIR number after a couple weeks of email exchanges. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! What is the deal? You really want to drop YOUR number so the girl will text YOU?! WHY CAN'T A GUY ASK FOR A GIRLS NUMBER ANYMORE??????? What is the problem?! Why is that so difficult?

I'm so glad that I was raised on old school values, although they are hard to find these days. But in a way it is a gift and a curse. If I was OK with a guy texting me all day and not communicating to my face I would be in heaven in 2014. But unfortunately I feel like it's hell. A bunch of fast paced non investment cowardly men out there looking for some quick action. No wonder they aren't chivalrous because they probably don't have any chivalrous intentions!

Anyway, yes, I am venting. All I want is to meet someone that is tired of getting it wrong as much as I am. A guy that respects the journey, not the destination. Someone who enjoys the excitement and thrill of what could come next. The elated feeling of pondering the next level and depth we could reach together.  How exciting is that!

These are some official #FirstWorldProblems and #OldSchoolProblems but I'll be alright!  ;)

#venting 

Set Backs are Temporary!

Why in life is it so much easier to go backwards than forwards?! Why does the familiar, even if painful, feel so comfortable? Why do we feel that the change we need to occur in order to move forward is so much more difficult than the familiar we are use to? How have our psyches accepted such ridiculousness!? We would rather stay in the pain we know than endure the change it takes to propel us into something better.

Physically we can easily put ourselves in different locations, continents even. But emotionally, it takes a conscious effort, daily, weekly, sometimes hourly, to take steps FORWARD. The unknown can be exciting. Doesn't that sound better??

We are so use to wallowing in pain. Do you ever notice the conversations you have with friends? It's so common to talk about what's wrong, what's happening with who, what happened to them, I'm hot, I'm sad, I hate this, I hate that, I'm fat, I hate my hair... When did speaking joyously become such a crime? Why is frolicking in bliss and happiness such taboo?

Its OK to be happy. Its OK to be amazing. The world needs more of that! We all have endless love inside of us not only to light up our own life, but the lives of others. Often we feel like love is a finite resource, that if others have it that means we can't. That is NONSENSE! There is enough love to go around, and then some.

They say when someone shows you who they are, to believe them the first time. If you ever find yourself down, frustrated or mad at yourself, just take a deep breath. It's both a blessing and a curse to feel things so deeply. Ones who have the most love to give are often the ones finding themselves in this situation. We actually care too much, but that's not a bad thing. I often find when I'm most frustrated with myself I find the most power within me. You should not avoid these "negative" feelings inside of you. Acknowledge them and move forward. All I have to do is play a little Drake or 2Pac to get me back in my groove. I QUICKLY realize my awesomeness and almost laugh at the fact I was feeling so down. There are so many energies circulating around us that its inevitable that we will find ourselves lost in the whirlwind of the past or negativity at some point. Just breathe through it, step back and get outside of your own mind. Set backs are only temporary, and usually provide you with more power than you realize to propel you to an even more awesome day, and future.  :)

Relationships: 102

How easy is it to give relationship advice? Pretty easy right? From the outside other friends always have the right answers and best perspectives, right? So why is it so hard for us to take our own advice?

In my current read (A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson) I've never seen or heard relationship advice broken down as what I'm about to show you. Instead of calling this Relationships 101, this is Relationships 102. This will take you to the next step of self analysis, understanding and awareness, and you'll probably never look at relationships the same again. ;)



It is not our job to seek for love, but to seek for all the barriers we hold against its coming.

Relationships are assignments. They are part of a vast plan for our enlightenment, the Universe's blueprint by which each individual soul is led to greater awareness and expanded love. Relationships are the Universe's laboratories that brings people together who have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth. No meetings are accidental.

When we're not in a relationship, the ego makes it seem as though all the pain would go away if we were. The ego argues that the love we need must come from someone else, and that there's one special person out there who can fill up that hole, that this special person out there will make all the pain go away. We don't really believe that, of course, but then on the other hand we really do. This "special relationship" makes other people - their behavior, their choices, their opinions of us - too important. It makes us think we need another person, when in fact we are complete and whole as we are. If the relationship lasts, however, it will actually bring much of our existential pain to the surface. That's part of its purpose. It will demand all of our skills at compassion, acceptance, release, forgiveness, and selflessness. We might tend to forget the challenges involved in a relationship when we're not in one, but we remember then clearly enough once we are.

Certain voices go on endlessly these days about whether or not "our needs are being met" in a relationship. When we try to use a relationship to serve our own purposes we falter because we are reinforcing our illusion of need. The ego always emphasizes what someone has done wrong, it guides our thinking and we meet in fear, mask to mask. In the "holy relationship" the universe or Holy Spirit has changed our minds about the purpose of love and we meet heart to heart. Darkness is merely the absence of light, and fear is merely the absence of love. If we want to be rid of darkness, we must turn on a light. Similarly, if we want to be rid of fear, we cannot fight it but but replace it with love. The choice to love is not easy. The ego puts up terrible resistance to giving up fear-laden responses.

Our neuroses in relationships usually stem from our having an agenda (ego) for another person or for the relationship itself. God's or the Universe's idea of a "good relationship" and the Ego's idea of one are completely different. To the ego, a good relationship is one in which another person basically behaves the way we want them to and never presses our buttons, never violates our comfort zones. But if a relationship exists to support our growth, then in many ways it exists to do just those things; force us out of our limited tolerance and inability to love unconditionally.

Our ego is merely our fear. Our egos are not where we are "bad" but where we are wounded. We must reveal ourselves at the deepest level in order to find out how lovable we really are. When we dig deeply enough into our real nature, we do not find darkness. We find endless light. That is what the ego doesn't want us to see; that our safety actually lies in letting down our mask. But we cannot do this when we're constantly afraid of being judged.

As temples of healing, relationships are like a trip to the divine physician's office. How can a doctor help us unless we show him our wounds? Our fearful places have to be revealed before they can be healed. If a relationship allows us to merely avoid our unhealed places, then we're hiding there, not growing. The universe will not support that.

Someone with whom we have a lifetime's worth of lessons to learn is someone whose presence in our lives forces us to grow. Sometimes it represents someone with whom we participate lovingly all our lives, and sometimes it represents someone who we experience as a thorn in our side for years, or even forever. Just because someone has a lot to teach us doesn't mean we like them. People who have the most to teach us are often the ones who reflect back to us the limits to our own capacity to love, those who consciously or unconsciously challenge our fearful positions. They show us our walls. Our walls are our wounds - the places where we feel we cant love any more, cant connect any more deeply, cant forgive past a certain point. We are in each other's lives in order to help us see where we most need healing, and in order to help us heal.

Thinking that there is some special person out there who is going to save us is a barrier to pure love. It is a way the ego tries to keep us away from love, although it doesn't want us to see that. We seek desperately for love, but it is that same desperation that leads us to destroy it once it gets here. Thinking that one special person is going to save us tempts us to load an awful lot of emotional pressure on whoever comes along that we think might fit the bill. A relationship is not meant to be the joining at the hip of two emotional invalids. The purpose of a relationship is not for two incomplete people to become one, but rather for two complete people to join together for the greater glory of the universe. Under the universe's guidance we come together to share joy.

Peace isn't determined by circumstances outside us. Peace stems from forgiveness. Pain doesn't stem from the love we're denied by others, but rather from the love that we deny them. What really has occurred is that someone else's closed heart has tempted us to close our own, and it is our own denial of love that hurts us.

The problem in relationships is rarely that we haven't had wonderful opportunities or met wonderful people. The problem is, we haven't known how to take the greatest advantage of the opportunities we've had. Sometimes we didn't recognize at the time how wonderful those people were. Love is all around us. The ego is the block to our awareness of love's presence.

Growth is never about focusing on someone else's lessons, but only on our own.

Are You Living The Life You WANT?

This June will mark 10 years that I've worked in Corporate America. I lucked out and landed a great job two weeks after graduating college, and I've been working ever since. Now, 10 years later, I've decided to look at my life and ask myself if this is really what I was meant to do?! 

When you're young you're taught to study, work hard, get good grades so you can get a good job. Continue working hard, fall in love, get married, have kids and get a house with a white picked fence and golden retriever. That's the American way, right? The American Dream so they call it. But how many people actually enjoy that package deal? How many people are only in this whirlwind because that's what they're supposed to do?! Think about it. Most of us have a job that we tolerate so we can enjoy life outside of work, right? That doesn't sound too bad. Some of us may actually love our jobs - and I envy those people! But what about the large percentage of folks that are lost in the day to day pattern of their life - living a life they think they should be living versus one they WANT to live?

Last year I experienced the second layoff of my career but was lucky enough to get a nice severance package. Thankfully I had money coming in to pay for my bills - not having that worry was amazing! But I had a weird realization. I felt like I was finally LIVING. I could hear birds chirping. I could see the changes taking place in the city around me. I could SEE and FEEL more, all the little things. I was finally able to slow down the repetition and actually see and feel what was going on around me. You would think having a great paying job would give you the necessary tools and means to be "happy." But no - not the case with me. My whole career I've been somewhat unfulfilled, and here I had been laid off - my future uncertain - and I finally felt like I was REALLY LIVING. 

Fast forward a year, I've landed almost the exact same job at another company. OK - I'm happy to be employed! Wahooo! But for some reason each day was getting harder for me to accept. I was becoming more and more frustrated with the typical jobs duties I would blast through in no time. On top of that I was going through a "breakup" with someone I felt I knew from a past life - the deepest connection I had ever experienced with anyone ever before. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? The life I was living didn't make sense anymore. I never felt so lost, broken, but yet so passionate and eager to make my life purposeful. But HOW could I do this? This was my moment of awakening. I was broken down to the bone, and that was when I felt my greatest strength and purpose. I couldn't hide it anymore. I couldn't fake it anymore either. I was forced to be real with myself. To look at myself inside and out and truly force myself to make a choice - to choose to live right by my heart. 

A lot of the struggles and pain we go through actually help direct us to our purpose, to what's REAL in our hearts, to what makes us happy. Blessings in disguise some like to call it. As heartbroken and confused as I was, I am SO thankful for going through that. Those combination of events erupted a passion and love inside of me that I could not deny. As I started making decisions to redirect my future I felt as if I was chipping away at the clay mold of excess I had gradually built up over time. It's such an emotional experience to completely change the way you've always done things. But with that comes equal bliss and freedom. I've never been so happy to get ride of all my junk! I feel so much more free and aware of how I had been piling on "things" this whole time that really weren't meaningful to me. But I had to go through those hardships to really see and understand ME - to learn what's really important to me.

It's never too late to live happily ever after. It's never too late to start over. It's never to late to do what you love. Live passionately. Live fearlessly. Be courageous. You just have to do it! Otherwise - how much time will you allow to pass before you are finally ready to take charge of your life - the life YOU want? If you wait for the perfect time it will never arrive. 

Fear paralyses so many things, so many opportunities. 

Think about the life you want to live, and go out and live it! 

That is what I am finally doing, now.  :)

 

Trending In Japan....

Zentai!  Ever heard of it?  “Zentai” — an abbreviation of “zenshintaitsu,” means “full body suit.”  These people meet online or in chat rooms.  They'll show up at BBQ's or parties in these outfits, or simply gather together to walk around town.  They feel they can be liberated through the complete sublimation of the physical self.  How interesting is this!!  Makes sense right?

How often are we judged by the color of our skin, what we are wearing, WHO we are wearing, how tall we are, or how your hair looks?  It sucks being judged, doesn't it?!  I love this idea.  Scrape away all the "identifiers" and create a completely NEW YOU.  What a strong message and statement.  This is brilliant!

“I have led my life always worrying about what other people think of me. They say I look cute, gentle, childish or naive. I have always felt suffocated by that. But wearing this, I am just a person in a full body suit.”

What a way to give them something to talk about.  The same ones that make remarks about these outfits are the exact ones that would have commented or judged you in your "everyday clothes."  What a great way to stick it to em and prove your point! 

Now where can I buy one of these things?!  :)

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/04/17/heres-japans-latest-trend-zentai/?hpid=z4
 

The Beautiful Side of Heart💔break

Being vulnerable is a sure sign of maturity.  Beauty at its finest.  Right now my heart is talking to me so I've decided to pick up my pen.  I know others are going through heartbreak and I hope my thoughts and feelings comfort you - as you are not alone - and we can both realize how ridiculous we are for dwelling on a situation undeserving of all this attention and quickly get back to normal.  :)


You use to glow so vibrantly, but suddenly love withdrawals are debilitating to your workday. Life as you know it feels blank. Suddenly a blank canvas but all your tools are in some black hole somewhere. The routine, your friend, is gone. What happened?  He told me I was NOT the girl he would marry, that's what happened!

(You start to question yourself)

Did I react too fast? Should I try to talk to him one more time? I just don't get it? Just the other day he said.... And now?? UGHHHHH!

(Then comes Miss Independent)

He has no idea what he's missing! He is so dumb!  I know his ass is going to text me in a week.  Why is he so back and forth!  No one else would love him like I would.  Man I had it all wrong!

(The inner dialogue continues)

Why could I not see this coming?  Man I am such a hopeless romantic.  Does he really love me but he's scared?  Do I have patience to continue being his teacher hoping he will awake further and realize what's in front of him?!  If a guy cant see my worth WHY AM I THERE!??? 


My dad thinks I subconsciously date losers so if and when it doesn't work out I can turn around and be like "I don't want your dumb ass anyway!" That is hilarious, but eerily true? 

"Get yourself together.  You're missing a kid yard boy who doesn't know what he wants out of life yet.  Why this guy is the answer to Elizabeth's world says more about what you need to do than what he needs to do.  If you would stop making poor choices you could stop suffering!  Snap out of it!" 

"If he loves you, there should be no reason at all that he says to you to find someone who can make you happy and give you what you want. If he loves you, it should be HIS job to do those things - whether he feels he can right now or not, if he LOVES you he would work towards that. Make an effort, make drastic life changes, etc. To me, it seems like he's only saying he loves you now to help with the fact that y'all are over. It's like he's trying to be the martyr here and walk away the "nice guy" instead of the douche bag who broke your heart. He's trying to play like he didn't do you wrong and that his honestly makes up for the hurt he's caused, but it doesn't." 


Throughout all the ups and downs of heartbreak you feel so lost, confused, and stripped of your happiness.  You lack the ability to look forward and can only look in the past and question everything.  WHY???  But even through the hardest times, when you find yourself with no where to go but UP - you finally can see all the amazing things left within you:

• I'm still brave
• I'm still courageous
• I'm still fearless
• I still have my girlfriends
• I'm free
• I'm still beautiful
• My dancing skills are still on point
• I'm still fun
• I still have love in my heart
• I'm still smart
• I'm still making money
• I have not lost my swag  ;)
• I am worth loving

It's amazing how quickly you can get that pep back in your step!  It's almost like you MUST address all the phases of grief in order to really move forward.  Now all you need to do is get up and continue about your business - into the new life that awaits you. 


 

Daddy Advice on Love

Breakups are never easy, and they always hurt.  Especially when the guy you've felt the most connected to tells you you're not the woman he is supposed to marry.  Never in my life have I had a guy tell me that until yesterday.  Yeah.  Ouch. 

My Dad always has the most sincere and caring thoughts for me during times like this.  I had to share his amazing "daddy advice."  Enjoy.  :)



I'm so sorry things didn't work out. I know you invest a lot emotionally.

Sometimes it's only when truth hits us squarely in the face, that it's the only way we'll recognize it. Feel better and stronger that truth is still able to tap you on the shoulder. Vs being on a journey that continues in a circle vs forward.

See things like this as a gift, and not another setback. Harder initially. Easier eventually.

Ultimately I think you were just in different places. You can have a few areas that highlight and spotlight possibilities that you want so much, that you don't give strength to the items that don't fit. Lazily sitting obviously, but in the hidden smoky background.  My ex and I were an excellent example. I wanted so much for the few that shined, that I kept overlooking the majority that didn't.

It's a learning process for both of us, and all of us.

Happiness is out there. You have the tools in your tool belt to make better choices. It takes time to heal the wounds.  And ... make better choices. If things keep turning out the same, then your still going down the wrong path. It's so hard to change our emotional programming.

We grow thru life with a set of tools that aren't capable of producing the results we really need to move and evolve forward. You know this. You've found out about this. You speak this at times. At some point you'll learn to start using the new tools and not the old one's. That's what pain is always trying to tell and teach us.

Step back and heal. This too shall pass.  Try to see the real difference between the old tools and the new ones that you keep shiny but often put away. Eventually you'll understand why they're there, and how to better utilize them.

Love n Miss ya,

Dad

Connections & Leave Behind?

Time evolves.  Connections are made.  What will you leave behind?

Today I saw the most amazing movie, The Words.  A movie about an ambitious writer that could never catch a break, until he made a decision that would change his life forever.  The emotions that started to pour out of me shook me to the core.  I immediately reflected on all the amazing moments and connections I've made in my life.  The story line was so real, so relatable.  It created one of those moments where I FELT my outlook on life, and REALITY, change.  A couple hours later I had to watch it again.  

Have you ever met someone and you felt like you've known them forever?  Have you had that friendship or romance that blossomed out of nowhere, took you to places you've never been, then quickly dissipated into thin air?  Where do these people go?  Where do these situations go?  Why were they so short lived?  Why did it end?  How and why did I meet them in the first place? 

These moments ARE amazing.  Some are lucky to have them last longer than others. These "moments" are forever sacred and can never be taken away.  No matter how long or short, each second of ecstasy, of pure bliss, is a blessing.  We must cherish those feelings forever.  Understand that our lives are better for having experienced something so beautiful, even if only for a second. 

I grew up hearing stories that ended with "happily ever after."  I've longed and planned on being married, having that story book life that everyone knows about.  Well, it's not the 1920's anymore.  Think about how people "connect" these days.  Texting.  Emailing.  Snapchatting.  Dancing.  Talking.  Skyping.  Facebooking.  There are more ways to "connect" with others than ever before.  Since the opportunity to connect is so plentiful, do we cherish and appreciate our connections the same way as we did years ago?  Think about it, in the 1920's there was no internet, no texting.  True connections, authentic and long lasting, forever bonded those in that era.  Divorce didn't happen.  Families stayed together.  Why?  Fast forward to today, people rarely talk on the phone anymore.  The US Postal Service could potentially go out of business because people don't write letters or use standard mail as much.  Everything is digital and expedited.  You can book a flight and schedule a dinner reservation by the click of a button.  The divorce rate is also above 50%.  Is there a weird correlation here?  Do exponential opportunities to connect reduce the authenticity and appreciation we have for those associated with these connections?

With all that, we all do our best.  Life is scary, life is beautiful, and life is worth it. 

I never considered myself much of a writer, but this movie inspired me to write this.  What lasts through generations?  What can be passed on forever?  Stories.  Books.  Teachings.  Writing.  My outlook on life is constantly evolving, and I often cant make sense of all the thoughts swirling around in my head.  This blog has been a fun outlet to share MY view of the world and my thoughts.  I do know something that is constant, and what is universal, and that is LOVE.  We all feel it.  We all need it.  Feelings and connections with other people - that is what's real and that's what makes the world go round.  Every interaction, no matter how small or short lived, changes everything.  

Embrace every moment.  Be kind.  Write about it.  How will you change the world for the better?  What will you leave behind?  

I hope to inspire you, challenge you, and put at least one smile on your face.  Never underestimate the power of a smile.    

Life After Dating

Being single has its perks, like watching unlimited back to back shows of Real Housewives with no grunts, sighs or comments from the peanut gallery.  But being in a relationship has its perks too, like sex as often as you like and someone to rub your back at night. 

But what about those friends that have been with you throughout the whole process?  Your single girlfriends that are still single?  Now you are in this relationship and it feels like everything has changed?  Or has it?


http://www.thefrisky.com/2013-11-11/life-after-dating-an-open-letter-to-our-single-friends/

Too Good To Be True?!

Why do we think things can be too good to be true?  Are we not allowed to experience something exceptional?  Something amazing?  Something wonderful?  Are we so use to settling for "average" or "good" that we think anything beyond that is unattainable?  WHY IS THAT?

Why is it when something awesome comes along do we question it?  We think, this isn't normal, this cant be right.  What is triggering that thought?  Is it fear?  Is it just your body processing this amazing thing b/c its so use to processing average things?  Or maybe it could be a gut feeling that this isn't right....

Time will tell...  But I challenge you to strive for the exceptional.  Why be average?  I don't want an average life.  I want an exceptional life!  I don't want to live a boring life.  I want to live a fun and exciting life!  Don't you?

“If we study what is merely average, we will remain merely average.” — Shawn Achor

 

Heartache

Situations in life can be so interesting.  So deep but yet so inconclusive at times.  You can have months of confusion, pain, excitement, sadness, love and exhilaration all at the same time that can cause quite a drain on your heart and mind.  The pain of the unknown can be so daunting.  But what I think is worse, is the final pain.  The pain you feel in your heart when you have that moment of realization...  The realization that the unknown is now the known.  Or what you have been trying to hide from yourself this whole time is finally revealed.  The ache in your heart of FINALLY, now I know.  But at the same time the ultimate feeling of sadness when your inconclusive situation reveals itself. 

On the other side of the coin though is freedom.  A chapter closed that once left you excited and hopeless.  A feeling of knowing your life will now move forward and into other directions.  Life.  Does.  Go.  On.

A heartache can really feel like your heart and chest is aching.  Your collar bones feel like they want to cave forward as if they are giving your tears less distance to fall.  But that is the last and final pain you will feel, on your way up and onward to better things.  BE STRONG.  :)

Stay Positive! :)

"When I went through my last breakup (before my current, very happy relationship) — I think I was on breakup #72 in my dating lifetime — I was like, game over. I’m not doing this anymore. Because at a certain point, after enough relationships bomb, you just don’t have the will to keep trying anymore. I know I didn’t. I was like Wile E. Coyote when he gets flattened by the Roadrunner, only without the motivation to get back up. It wasn’t that I was so heartbroken over this guy; it was that I was so heartbroken over constantly getting my heart broken. While I was peeling my soul off the asphalt (read: drinking lots of Malbec and doing lots of hot yoga) a friend said something helpful to me: Where there is driftwood."


http://www.thefrisky.com/2013-08-27/dating-donts-where-there-is-driftwood/




 

SPEAK dangit

How many times in life have you wanted to say something, but didn't?  How many times have you wanted to tell someone you love them, but didn't?  And the days, weeks, months and sometimes even years go by and you wonder, WHAT IF!?  That friggin blows. What does it take for someone to get the courage to really say how they feel?????

In my opinion it takes life experience. Experiences in comfortable and uncomfortable situations. Experiences in pain and joy, so you really understand the spectrum of what is awesome, and what isn't, and how you can articulate your desired direction towards joy versus pain. You have to have gone through some bad and interesting times to finally get the courage to say HEY, I don't want to deal with this anymore. Or, this is what I want, what I like, etc. Or how about, I LOVE YOU and I want to be with YOU. Oh how beautiful those words sound, but oh how difficult they are to say. 

In 2013 this world is an interesting place, and its ever so difficult to REALLY connect with someone. If you find someone that makes you smile, laugh, or even feel uncomfortable...TELL them. There is always a respectful and mature way to SPEAK to and discuss your feelings.  Life is too short to go another day without being true to what makes your heart smile. ❤

And as much as I am speaking to everyone else, don't we often need to take our own advice!?  

Really???

Wow - In the year 2013 this article was really written?????

Why don't you have any black friends?  http://www.cnn.com/2013/08/19/opinion/colby-black-friends/index.html?hpt=hp_t4

Where in the heck are they polling this question, po-dunk town in the country or something?  I experienced many emotions when reading this article:  sadness, confusion, blasphemy, and an eagerness to prove this article wrong. 

THANK GOD my family never spoke of race growing up.  Not once did my parents ever defy or mention someone by the color of their skin.  Never hearing about race created an open environment and open mind where labels were never created.  It allowed me to truly have an open mind and experience people for people.  I will forever thank my parents for this.