St. Barts!!!

Finally I got to check out the infamous island of St. Barts!  For years I've heard about this place, it's super exclusive, beautiful, and high class.  I must say, it did not disappoint.  I was lucky enough to go with a guy I was dating at the time, who's been a few times.  He knew the lay of the land, and where cool restaurants and beaches were.

We stayed in this cute place in the hills with an amazing view of St. Jean and Eden Rock (above).  We had dinner at Eden Rock the first night and it was very romantic.  The weather was perfect; we sat outside on a deck overlooking the ocean while my hair and silk dress blew in the wind.  The food was great, too.  We shared scallops with truffle gnocchi and a veal chop with mushrooms.  What an amazing experience on day 1 in St. Barts!  

Day 2 we drove around for a little bit.  We rented a mini VW convertible which was super fun. Most of the cars on the island are small, and the way the roads whip and turn you feel like you're in a video game!  We checked out some viewpoints then came home and made breakfast.  

We headed back out to check out Nikki Beach.  This place was gorgeous, a white themed classy beach club kissed by turquoise water.  The vibe here is high caliber, you're surrounded by people living life to the fullest! 

Saturday night we checked out Bagatelle.  There's one in NYC, so if you know Bagatelle you know exactly what you're getting into, FUN!  

The next morning we cooked breakfast again.  It's so nice to sleep in, make coffee, and have your boyfriend cook you breakfast, again.  :)

You know how beach vacations go.  They're quite chill.  We really had no agenda other than to keep checking out the island, drive around, have a drink, lay out, beach it, drink again, repeat.  Oh yeah, and eat!  So that's what we did.  

We had dinner at Le Ti the last night.  That place is sexy!  They do a burlesque show almost every hour!  The vibe is sexy, sexy people, great ambiance, great food.  Definitely a must see in St. Barts!

The flight out was just as beautiful as the experience.  I sure hope I can get back to St. Barts one day.  :)

In A Flash

Where did it start if it never really began

A whirlwind, I never thought this could've been the end

Flashing lights cover dim bulbs
Bulbs fragile like entering a new world
Comfort cracking breaks our familiar peace
Bulbs dropping breaking us into exposed pieces
Enduring the awkward always trumps defeat
Candy stores sometimes, they're just too damn sweet

L3VE

When you realize it's love we're all searching for 

It's all that we need 

And it's all out there 

If we just choose to see
-me

Polkadot Library in Kenya!

Everyone, my aunt is building a library in Kenya!

She fell in love with her town when she was in the Peace Corps for two years. The information below is from her fundraising site. Please check out the links for more information, and to donate if you want to be a part of this amazing library!!  I already have!!

www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-polkadot-library-kenya
www.facebook.com/polkadotlibrary



Let’s build a library for the children of Kenya.

For two years, I lived in a quaint but lively town in Kenya called Kabarnet. The people there quickly became my family. And, simply put, my family needs a library. Children make up 47% of Kabarnet’s population—that’s about 12,000 kids. There are 20 schools in the town, but only one library. And it’s not a free library, either. We need to create a free, clean, safe place for the children of Kabarnet to get access to books. So we’re turning a shipping container into a new, well-stocked library space complete with shelves, tables, books, and computers, along with a community meeting space and a thriving garden.

To make this happen, we need to raise $60,000.

It’s a pretty big number. But it’s going to make an enormous difference in the lives of so many young children in Kenya.

Here’s where the money’s going:

DESIGNING: $3,000 - architectural design of the library and grounds
BUILDING: $34,000 - constructing the shipping container into a library
PLANTING: $2,500 - supplies to plant and grow the library’s sustainable garden
SHIPPING: $6,000 - shipping the library from Houston, TX to Mombasa
MARKETING: $3,000 - marketing and fundraising for the project
REWARDING: $3,000 - rewards: sending letters, inscribing polkadots, and more
TRAVELING: $5,000 - the team’s travel to and from Kenya
COORDINATING: $2,500 - local agent coordinating the project
LEGAL: $1,000 - legal planning, counseling, and certifications

If you donate, your kindness will not go unnoticed—or unrewarded. Check out the right rail for perks you could receive as a thank-you for your contribution.

We’re not giving up.

Dating or Love?

Not often do I allow someone else's words to speak for mine, but this piece sums up my thoughts and feelings SO well on dating these days; I had to imprint every single one of Jamie Varon's words on my blog. Any guy that wants to date me, read every single word below. And put your damn phone and hash tags to rest, Jesus. Social media validation seems more important these days than actual in person experience and validation. Not my preference or my style!

This Is How We Date Now

Jamie Varon

We don’t commit now. We don’t see the point. They’ve always said there are so many fish in the sea, but never before has that sea of fish been right at our fingertips on OkCupid, Tinder, Grindr, Dattch, take your pick. We can order up a human being in the same way we can order up pad thai on Seamless. We think intimacy lies in a perfectly-executed string of emoji. We think effort is a “good morning” text. We say romance is dead, because maybe it is, but maybe we just need to reinvent it. Maybe romance in our modern age is putting the phone down long enough to look in each other’s eyes at dinner. Maybe romance is deleting Tinder off your phone after an incredible first date with someone. Maybe romance is still there, we just don’t know what it looks like now.

When we choose—if we commit—we are still one eye wandering at the options. We want the beautiful cut of filet mignon, but we’re too busy eyeing the mediocre buffet, because choice. Because choice. Our choices are killing us. We think choice means something. We think opportunity is good. We think the more chances we have, the better. But, it makes everything watered-down. Never mind actually feeling satisfied, we don’t even understand what satisfaction looks like, sounds like, feels like. We’re one foot out the door, because outside that door is more, more, more. We don’t see who’s right in front of our eyes asking to be loved, because no one is asking to be loved. We long for something that we still want to believe exists. Yet, we are looking for the next thrill, the next jolt of excitement, the next instant gratification.

We soothe ourselves and distract ourselves and, if we can’t even face the demons inside our own brain, how can we be expected to stick something out, to love someone even when it’s not easy to love them? We bail. We leave. We see a limitless world in a way that no generation before us has seen. We can open up a new tab, look at pictures of Portugal, pull out a Visa, and book a plane ticket. We don’t do this, but we can. The point is that we know we can, even if we don’t have the resources to do so. There are always other tantalizing options. Open up Instagram and see the lives of others, the life we could have. See the places we’re not traveling to. See the lives we’re not living. See the people we’re not dating. We bombard ourselves with stimuli, input, input, input, and we wonder why we’re miserable. We wonder why we’re dissatisfied. We wonder why nothing lasts and everything feels a little hopeless. Because, we have no idea how to see our lives for what they are, instead of what they aren’t.

And, even if we find it. Say we find that person we love who loves us. Commitment. Intimacy. “I love you.” We do it. We find it. Then, quickly, we live it for others. We tell people we’re in a relationship on Facebook. We throw our pictures up on Instagram. We become a “we.” We make it seem shiny and perfect because what we choose to share is the highlight reel. We don’t share the 3am fights, the reddened eyes, the tear-stained bedsheets. We don’t write status updates about how their love for us shines a light on where we don’t love ourselves. We don’t tweet 140 characters of sadness when we’re having the kinds of conversations that can make or break the future of our love. This is not what we share. Shiny picture. Happy couple. Love is perfect.

Then, we see these other happy, shiny couples and we compare. We are The Emoji Generation. Choice Culture. The Comparison Generation. Measuring up. Good enough. The best. Never before have we had such an incredible cornucopia of markers for what it looks like to live the Best Life Possible. We input, input, input and soon find ourselves in despair. We’ll never be good enough, because what we’re trying to measure up to just does not fucking exist. These lives do not exist. These relationships do not exist. Yet, we can’t believe it. We see it with our own eyes. And, we want it. And, we will make ourselves miserable until we get it.

So, we break up. We break up because we’re not good enough, our lives aren’t good enough, our relationship isn’t good enough. We swipe, swipe, swipe, just a bit more on Tinder. We order someone up to our door just like a pizza. And, the cycle starts again. Emoji. “Good morning” text. Intimacy. Put down the phone. Couple selfie. Shiny, happy couple. Compare. Compare. Compare. The inevitable creeping in of latent, subtle dissatisfaction. The fights. “Something is wrong, but I don’t know what it is.” “This isn’t working.” “I need something more.” And, we break up. Another love lost. Another graveyard of shiny, happy couple selfies.

On to the next. Searching for the elusive more. The next fix. The next gratification. The next quick hit. Living our lives in 140 characters, 5 second snaps, frozen filtered images, four minute movies, attention here, attention there. More as an illusion. We worry about settling, all the while making ourselves suffer thinking that anything less than the shiny, happy filtered life we’ve been accustomed to is settling. What is settling? We don’t know, but we fucking don’t want it. If it’s not perfect, it’s settling. If it’s not glittery filtered love, settling. If it’s not Pinterest-worthy, settling.

We realize that this more we want is a lie. We want phone calls. We want to see a face we love absent of the blue dim of a phone screen. We want slowness. We want simplicity. We want a life that does not need the validation of likes, favorites, comments, upvotes. We may not know yet that we want this, but we do. We want connection, true connection. We want a love that builds, not a love that gets discarded for the next hit. We want to come home to people. We want to lay down our heads at the end of our lives and know we lived well, we lived the fuck out of our lives. This is what we want even if we don’t know it yet.

Yet, this is not how we date now. This is not how we love now.

"To The Women With Warm Hearts & Cold Hands"

There are no words I can use to sum up this article that would do it any better justice than to read it. THANK YOU Naomi Honon for writing such a beautiful piece.  It's nice to know I'm not alone out there in my thoughts.  That is why I write, and you have done the same for me.  Thank you.

Via Naomi Honon Dec 3, 2014
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/12/to-the-women-with-warm-hearts-cold-hands/


I don’t know how you like your coffee on misty mornings.

I don’t know which rooftop you kick your favorite sneakers off to climb, what haunts your thoughts at night or what makes you want to stand up and fight. But I do know you—and I know your heart.

You are the woman who zips her own dress up for work every morning. The woman laughing under the rain without anyone to help you jump over puddles. The woman who runs up stairs and double checks locks before ending every day. The woman curled up under sheets, in the corner of a bed meant for two.

I know you because we share the same heart.

We all arrived here through different roads, different highways and different dirt paths. Some of us are bruised. Some of us are spotless. How we got here doesn’t matter—only how we’re tied together.

We are the women who spend our sweatpants-wearing Sunday afternoons alone. The women who treat ourselves to fancy Valentine’s Day dinners. The women who buy ourselves carnations after making mistakes.

We are the women who’ve decided to bravely put love on the back burner. We know we’ll one day be mothers of beautiful children who’ll share the same clusters of freckles on their noses. We know there’ll come a time when we’ll look into someone’s eyes and see a reflection of our dreams.

We never for a second doubt that we deserve all this or that it’ll happen. But we know that now is not that time, and we accept it with grace and patience.

Couples in black and white romantic movies make us smile without wincing. We sing along to cheesy ballads on radios knowing that one day, one of them will be sung for us. We go to sleep every night happy no one’s taken our minds hostage. We aren’t waiting. We aren’t still, or frozen with hope. We are in a constant state of motion, dedicating everyday to ourselves and the goals our souls ache for.

To the women with warm hearts and cold hands, I hope you know how brave you are.

Solitude can get deafening sometimes, but self-sufficiency is a trait even warriors have trouble mastering. You are your own commander, fighting frostbite, fidgeting in your mittens. Never apologize for the fires you light.

Carry our flag with you and know you’ll never be alone.

Beside you stands an army of women marching to the same heartbeat in bedrooms that are oceans and countries away, carrying the same promises to themselves throughout their days. Who never allow anyone to tell them what they should have, or who they should need.

And never let anyone tell them when love should, or shouldn’t be.

Interstellar - WOW

Tonight I went to see the movie Interstellar with my Dad.  Of course now I remember the trailer, but before the movie, I had no idea what I was about to get into....  My heart...My soul...My thoughts...My fears...My dreams...My emotions...all busted wide open.

This. Movie. Was............  Indescribable.  It hit me on SO many levels that I left the theater in tears. 

For those who have not seen the movie, I'll try not to spoil anything for you.  But do yourself a favor by NOT googling the trailer before watching it.  Just watch it.  Just press play. 

First off, mad props to the writers and producers.  This movie blew me away, almost literally.  Yes, this is a movie about "space."  But it's not your typical space/universe movie.  I don't want to give too much away, but there is somewhat of a love story, and that could mean partner love, family love, life love, human love, etc.  It's also based in the future which makes it very interesting.  A future that we could potentially face?  It bridges the relationships between friends, family, trust, purpose, and time.  It really made me think, about all those things.  So combine that with the universe, other galaxies, OMG.  Mind blown.

One of my all time favorite quotes is, "You can tell a man is clever by his answers, you can tell a man is wise by his questions."  For me, that sums up my life fairly accurately.  I've always asked questions.  I've always wanted to ask questions.  I like to understand how and why things work, that's just how I learn by understanding.  The problem is however, still to this day I have more questions than answers.  The more answers I find, the more questions I start to think of.  Sometimes it drives me crazy.  Sometimes it makes me feel like a misfit.  Do others ever wonder about some of the random things that I do?  How could no one care to discuss the universe, or other dimensions, planes, cloud formations, or why things are certain colors?  Deep down I want to know and understand these type of things.  My soul is like sponge, and I truly feel like my purpose is through this quest.  The quest I still fight at times, but sometimes marvel in wonder. 

So as a human that is not an astronaut, I already have many questions about life, purpose, space, time, etc.  But imagine an astronaut, someone who is not only educated but experienced in floating around in our atmosphere not only looking down on earth, but looking out into the endless bounds of our universe.  WHAT IN THE FUCK DO THEY THINK ABOUT!  I mean seriously!  Jesus Christ what do they believe about God, death, life, time?  Based on the research I've seen this movie was fairly accurate from a scietific standpoint.  The theory of relativity for crying out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I mean.......!!!!!!!!!??

----------
"Gravitational time dilation is a real phenomenon that has been observed on Earth. It occurs because time is relative, meaning time runs at different rates for different reference frames. When you're in a strong gravitational environment time runs slower for you relative to people in a weak gravitational environment.

If you are near a black hole, like the one in the film, your gravitational reference frame, and therefore your perception of time, is different than someone standing on Earth. This is because the gravitational pull from the black hole is stronger the closer you are to it.

For you, a minute near a black hole will still last 60 seconds, but if you could look at a clock on Earth, a minute will appear to last less than 60 seconds. This means you will age more slowly than the people on Earth. And the stronger the gravitational field you're in, the more extreme the time dilation.
Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/crazy-physics-to-understand-interstellar-2014-11#ixzz3KQkGdFTc
----------

This movie not only moved me, but inspired me.  It allowed mountains to move within me that I had been detouring for a while now.  Please go watch it.  I hope it has as great of an impact on you as it did me.

Poetry

I love being lazy but it makes me sad

I hate being busy but it makes me glad

Long days and long nights got me feeling all mad

But I look in the mirror and it's all I've ever had 

Right ones and wrong ones at the same damn time

I realize I got some strong sunshine 

Numbness and the clouds give me a great pause 

Progression is what I want but I'm all wrapped up in gauze 

My speed was controllable

I could handle what I ate

Now I'm consumed

Cruise control on and I can't find the brakes

Toxicity in my veins

Sometimes it's a little too much on my brain

Is this what it's supposed to feel like

I'm drowning in my own pool of pain

Enjoying the fruits

Is nothing like the work it takes to make it through

Powerful

Tenacious

Clouded

Is it worth giving up all I know

And love

For the freedom my soul wants to choose to grow

Rainbows on the horizon set sparkle in my eyes 

movement in my hips make me realize

It's quite easy to make it change

And Dollars come quick 

How much will I sacrifice

How many grams of my soul am I losing in the meantime to make it in this race

It's so quick

Poem

These words stitch up my wounds
This scar freshly reminds me of what I never want to get into

I'm thankful for the pain
So I can be sure history doesn't repeat itself
I'm in a different state
And frame

I'll always be the me you knew
But meeting you made me realize how much more I needed
We grew

Apart

It was a start
In another direction
Another chapter
I realized it wasn't me you were really after

Light in my face and wind at my back
I've finally realized where I was lack

It was you

I deserved more but was slack
Not sure you even realized how much I had your back

But I'm actually thankful for you
Even today I still smile when I think of you

You gave me growth and fine tuned my vision
Losing you has been the best gift of precision

Guys - ASK FOR HER NUMBER!

Man, I don't know if I'm more sad or mad at the dating scene these days. It seems most men want to skip over the courting and dating and go straight to your bedroom. Why the rush? Is the world about to end, did I miss the memo?!

I'm not posting this rant after a one time experience. Over the past few years that I've tried dating, even dating sites, I'm frustrated with the lack of old school chivalry skills I've encountered, if at all. I can understand asking a girl out in person may be nerve wracking and/or awkward for a man. But it's really not that difficult. All it really takes is five simple words - "Can I call you sometime?"

I know guys are just as weary of being turned down as we all are. I get it!  BUT - there are TONS of fish in the sea!  Like they say, men and women are like buses, if you miss one it's OK, another one is coming in 15 minutes!

Asking a girl out in person may be tough, but it's doable.  So, you would think over email, a guy wouldn't have a problem asking for your number, right? WRONG. In my experience 99.999% of the guys I've met on a dating site always drop THEIR number after a couple weeks of email exchanges. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! What is the deal? You really want to drop YOUR number so the girl will text YOU?! WHY CAN'T A GUY ASK FOR A GIRLS NUMBER ANYMORE??????? What is the problem?! Why is that so difficult?

I'm so glad that I was raised on old school values, although they are hard to find these days. But in a way it is a gift and a curse. If I was OK with a guy texting me all day and not communicating to my face I would be in heaven in 2014. But unfortunately I feel like it's hell. A bunch of fast paced non investment cowardly men out there looking for some quick action. No wonder they aren't chivalrous because they probably don't have any chivalrous intentions!

Anyway, yes, I am venting. All I want is to meet someone that is tired of getting it wrong as much as I am. A guy that respects the journey, not the destination. Someone who enjoys the excitement and thrill of what could come next. The elated feeling of pondering the next level and depth we could reach together.  How exciting is that!

These are some official #FirstWorldProblems and #OldSchoolProblems but I'll be alright!  ;)

#venting 

Set Backs are Temporary!

Why in life is it so much easier to go backwards than forwards?! Why does the familiar, even if painful, feel so comfortable? Why do we feel that the change we need to occur in order to move forward is so much more difficult than the familiar we are use to? How have our psyches accepted such ridiculousness!? We would rather stay in the pain we know than endure the change it takes to propel us into something better.

Physically we can easily put ourselves in different locations, continents even. But emotionally, it takes a conscious effort, daily, weekly, sometimes hourly, to take steps FORWARD. The unknown can be exciting. Doesn't that sound better??

We are so use to wallowing in pain. Do you ever notice the conversations you have with friends? It's so common to talk about what's wrong, what's happening with who, what happened to them, I'm hot, I'm sad, I hate this, I hate that, I'm fat, I hate my hair... When did speaking joyously become such a crime? Why is frolicking in bliss and happiness such taboo?

Its OK to be happy. Its OK to be amazing. The world needs more of that! We all have endless love inside of us not only to light up our own life, but the lives of others. Often we feel like love is a finite resource, that if others have it that means we can't. That is NONSENSE! There is enough love to go around, and then some.

They say when someone shows you who they are, to believe them the first time. If you ever find yourself down, frustrated or mad at yourself, just take a deep breath. It's both a blessing and a curse to feel things so deeply. Ones who have the most love to give are often the ones finding themselves in this situation. We actually care too much, but that's not a bad thing. I often find when I'm most frustrated with myself I find the most power within me. You should not avoid these "negative" feelings inside of you. Acknowledge them and move forward. All I have to do is play a little Drake or 2Pac to get me back in my groove. I QUICKLY realize my awesomeness and almost laugh at the fact I was feeling so down. There are so many energies circulating around us that its inevitable that we will find ourselves lost in the whirlwind of the past or negativity at some point. Just breathe through it, step back and get outside of your own mind. Set backs are only temporary, and usually provide you with more power than you realize to propel you to an even more awesome day, and future.  :)

Relationships: 102

How easy is it to give relationship advice? Pretty easy right? From the outside other friends always have the right answers and best perspectives, right? So why is it so hard for us to take our own advice?

In my current read (A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson) I've never seen or heard relationship advice broken down as what I'm about to show you. Instead of calling this Relationships 101, this is Relationships 102. This will take you to the next step of self analysis, understanding and awareness, and you'll probably never look at relationships the same again. ;)



It is not our job to seek for love, but to seek for all the barriers we hold against its coming.

Relationships are assignments. They are part of a vast plan for our enlightenment, the Universe's blueprint by which each individual soul is led to greater awareness and expanded love. Relationships are the Universe's laboratories that brings people together who have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth. No meetings are accidental.

When we're not in a relationship, the ego makes it seem as though all the pain would go away if we were. The ego argues that the love we need must come from someone else, and that there's one special person out there who can fill up that hole, that this special person out there will make all the pain go away. We don't really believe that, of course, but then on the other hand we really do. This "special relationship" makes other people - their behavior, their choices, their opinions of us - too important. It makes us think we need another person, when in fact we are complete and whole as we are. If the relationship lasts, however, it will actually bring much of our existential pain to the surface. That's part of its purpose. It will demand all of our skills at compassion, acceptance, release, forgiveness, and selflessness. We might tend to forget the challenges involved in a relationship when we're not in one, but we remember then clearly enough once we are.

Certain voices go on endlessly these days about whether or not "our needs are being met" in a relationship. When we try to use a relationship to serve our own purposes we falter because we are reinforcing our illusion of need. The ego always emphasizes what someone has done wrong, it guides our thinking and we meet in fear, mask to mask. In the "holy relationship" the universe or Holy Spirit has changed our minds about the purpose of love and we meet heart to heart. Darkness is merely the absence of light, and fear is merely the absence of love. If we want to be rid of darkness, we must turn on a light. Similarly, if we want to be rid of fear, we cannot fight it but but replace it with love. The choice to love is not easy. The ego puts up terrible resistance to giving up fear-laden responses.

Our neuroses in relationships usually stem from our having an agenda (ego) for another person or for the relationship itself. God's or the Universe's idea of a "good relationship" and the Ego's idea of one are completely different. To the ego, a good relationship is one in which another person basically behaves the way we want them to and never presses our buttons, never violates our comfort zones. But if a relationship exists to support our growth, then in many ways it exists to do just those things; force us out of our limited tolerance and inability to love unconditionally.

Our ego is merely our fear. Our egos are not where we are "bad" but where we are wounded. We must reveal ourselves at the deepest level in order to find out how lovable we really are. When we dig deeply enough into our real nature, we do not find darkness. We find endless light. That is what the ego doesn't want us to see; that our safety actually lies in letting down our mask. But we cannot do this when we're constantly afraid of being judged.

As temples of healing, relationships are like a trip to the divine physician's office. How can a doctor help us unless we show him our wounds? Our fearful places have to be revealed before they can be healed. If a relationship allows us to merely avoid our unhealed places, then we're hiding there, not growing. The universe will not support that.

Someone with whom we have a lifetime's worth of lessons to learn is someone whose presence in our lives forces us to grow. Sometimes it represents someone with whom we participate lovingly all our lives, and sometimes it represents someone who we experience as a thorn in our side for years, or even forever. Just because someone has a lot to teach us doesn't mean we like them. People who have the most to teach us are often the ones who reflect back to us the limits to our own capacity to love, those who consciously or unconsciously challenge our fearful positions. They show us our walls. Our walls are our wounds - the places where we feel we cant love any more, cant connect any more deeply, cant forgive past a certain point. We are in each other's lives in order to help us see where we most need healing, and in order to help us heal.

Thinking that there is some special person out there who is going to save us is a barrier to pure love. It is a way the ego tries to keep us away from love, although it doesn't want us to see that. We seek desperately for love, but it is that same desperation that leads us to destroy it once it gets here. Thinking that one special person is going to save us tempts us to load an awful lot of emotional pressure on whoever comes along that we think might fit the bill. A relationship is not meant to be the joining at the hip of two emotional invalids. The purpose of a relationship is not for two incomplete people to become one, but rather for two complete people to join together for the greater glory of the universe. Under the universe's guidance we come together to share joy.

Peace isn't determined by circumstances outside us. Peace stems from forgiveness. Pain doesn't stem from the love we're denied by others, but rather from the love that we deny them. What really has occurred is that someone else's closed heart has tempted us to close our own, and it is our own denial of love that hurts us.

The problem in relationships is rarely that we haven't had wonderful opportunities or met wonderful people. The problem is, we haven't known how to take the greatest advantage of the opportunities we've had. Sometimes we didn't recognize at the time how wonderful those people were. Love is all around us. The ego is the block to our awareness of love's presence.

Growth is never about focusing on someone else's lessons, but only on our own.

Miraculous Present

"A Return to Love" by Marianne Williamson is still blowing my mind, and I'm only on page 70.  Not only is each paragraph extremely moving, but so is each sentence.  I often find myself pausing to understand, reflect and apply her eloquently structured sentences.

I think forgiveness and living in the present are one of the most difficult tasks in our daily lives.  I wanted to share a few excerpts out of the recent chapter I'm reading pertaining to these items...



Forgiving the past is an important step in allowing ourselves the experience of miracles. The only meaning of anything in or past is that it got us here, and should be honored as such.  All that is real in our past is the love we gave and the love we received.  Everything else is an illusion.  The past is merely a thought we have.  It is literally all in our minds.  The universe provides us with a clean slate in every moment.  Let us give ourselves permission to begin again.

Only the ego speculates about tomorrow.  The ego bases its perception of reality on what has happened in the past, carries those perceptions into the present and thus creates a future like the past.  If we felt that we were lacking in our past, our thoughts about the future are based on those perceptions.  We then enter the present in an effort to compensate for the past.  Since that perception is our core belief, we recreate its conditions in the future.

Past, present and future are not continuous, unless you force continuity upon them.

In the present, we have the opportunity to break the continuity of the past and future by asking the universe to intervene.  This is the miracle.  We want a new life, a new beginning.  We desire a life untainted by any darkness of the past, and being "entitled to miracles" we are entitled to that full release.

A miracle is a release from internal bondage.

All your past except its beauty is gone, and nothing is left but a blessing.

The only point where eternity meets time is in the present.  The present is the only time there is.

Our capacity for brilliance is equal to our capacity to forget the past and forget the future.  That's why little children are brilliant.  They don't remember the past, and they don't relate to the future.

A Return to Love

I just started reading this amazing book called, A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson.  My wonderful friend and energy teacher/healer Dana Childs recommended it to me.  I am only in the introduction but have found SO MANY amazing quotes that have touched me to the core.  I thought I would share as A Return to Love is what so many of us need.....  :)

"Love is what we were born with.  Fear is what we have learned here."

"Our childlike self is the deepest level of our being. It is who we really are and what is real doesn't go away."

"Love is the intuitive knowledge of our hearts. Its a world beyond that we all secretly long for. An ancient memory that beckons us to return."

"We overvalue what we perceive with our physical senses, and undervalue what we know to be true in our hearts."

"Its as though we've been lost in a dark, parallel universe where things are loved more than people."

"When we attach value to things that aren't love - money, cars, prestige - we are loving things that cant love us back."

"Meaning doesn't lie in things. Meaning lies in us."

Saying BYE to my kitty JJ : (

Sometimes there are just no words, or more so too many words..

 

 

This weekend I will be taking my baby, my cat JJ of 10 years to his new home. Since I've decided to go backpacking I needed to find a good place for him to go. Luckily my brother's amazing girlfriend's parents said they would keep him. I am so thrilled that I know he is going to loving happy people that will appreciate JJ for everything that he is.

 

 

I've actually had to leave JJ before, only once. After college I moved to Atlanta and one of my best friends let me stay with her for the first month so I could get on my feet. She already had a cat so I didn't want to bring JJ and we all be on top of each other. So I left him at my moms. When I came back to my moms 4 to 6 weeks later, I was so excited and envisioning the moment and I could embrace JJ once again. I remember going up the stairs, calling his name and waiting for his head to pop around a corner. When I finally saw him and picked him up, he actually looked right past me! I was so sad! I just thought he would stare at me in my eyes and meow or smile or something! LOL. Geez a need a boyfriend fast! 

 

Anyway, I felt so extremely guilty for leaving him for those weeks. But luckily my mom had another cat and a dog so I'm sure he was entertained! This time around however I'll be gone for a lot longer. And I don't think there are any other animals where he is going. But the good thing is, I know what happy and loving people these folks are, and I know he's going to a safe place.

 

As if I don't have enough pictures under my MEOW tab above, I'm going to add more here. This man has been in my life for 10 years and seen some VERY interesting things, and has been there to support me through all of that, even a bite or two every now and then. They say a pet might only be here for a part of your life, but to them, you are their whole life.

 

 

 

 

Are You Living The Life You WANT?

This June will mark 10 years that I've worked in Corporate America. I lucked out and landed a great job two weeks after graduating college, and I've been working ever since. Now, 10 years later, I've decided to look at my life and ask myself if this is really what I was meant to do?! 

When you're young you're taught to study, work hard, get good grades so you can get a good job. Continue working hard, fall in love, get married, have kids and get a house with a white picked fence and golden retriever. That's the American way, right? The American Dream so they call it. But how many people actually enjoy that package deal? How many people are only in this whirlwind because that's what they're supposed to do?! Think about it. Most of us have a job that we tolerate so we can enjoy life outside of work, right? That doesn't sound too bad. Some of us may actually love our jobs - and I envy those people! But what about the large percentage of folks that are lost in the day to day pattern of their life - living a life they think they should be living versus one they WANT to live?

Last year I experienced the second layoff of my career but was lucky enough to get a nice severance package. Thankfully I had money coming in to pay for my bills - not having that worry was amazing! But I had a weird realization. I felt like I was finally LIVING. I could hear birds chirping. I could see the changes taking place in the city around me. I could SEE and FEEL more, all the little things. I was finally able to slow down the repetition and actually see and feel what was going on around me. You would think having a great paying job would give you the necessary tools and means to be "happy." But no - not the case with me. My whole career I've been somewhat unfulfilled, and here I had been laid off - my future uncertain - and I finally felt like I was REALLY LIVING. 

Fast forward a year, I've landed almost the exact same job at another company. OK - I'm happy to be employed! Wahooo! But for some reason each day was getting harder for me to accept. I was becoming more and more frustrated with the typical jobs duties I would blast through in no time. On top of that I was going through a "breakup" with someone I felt I knew from a past life - the deepest connection I had ever experienced with anyone ever before. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME? The life I was living didn't make sense anymore. I never felt so lost, broken, but yet so passionate and eager to make my life purposeful. But HOW could I do this? This was my moment of awakening. I was broken down to the bone, and that was when I felt my greatest strength and purpose. I couldn't hide it anymore. I couldn't fake it anymore either. I was forced to be real with myself. To look at myself inside and out and truly force myself to make a choice - to choose to live right by my heart. 

A lot of the struggles and pain we go through actually help direct us to our purpose, to what's REAL in our hearts, to what makes us happy. Blessings in disguise some like to call it. As heartbroken and confused as I was, I am SO thankful for going through that. Those combination of events erupted a passion and love inside of me that I could not deny. As I started making decisions to redirect my future I felt as if I was chipping away at the clay mold of excess I had gradually built up over time. It's such an emotional experience to completely change the way you've always done things. But with that comes equal bliss and freedom. I've never been so happy to get ride of all my junk! I feel so much more free and aware of how I had been piling on "things" this whole time that really weren't meaningful to me. But I had to go through those hardships to really see and understand ME - to learn what's really important to me.

It's never too late to live happily ever after. It's never too late to start over. It's never to late to do what you love. Live passionately. Live fearlessly. Be courageous. You just have to do it! Otherwise - how much time will you allow to pass before you are finally ready to take charge of your life - the life YOU want? If you wait for the perfect time it will never arrive. 

Fear paralyses so many things, so many opportunities. 

Think about the life you want to live, and go out and live it! 

That is what I am finally doing, now.  :)

 

The Power of Kindness

What a beautiful Saturday it was. 82° and barely a cloud in the sky. A local food truck competition was right down the street. What a perfect day! I prepared myself for the weather, and the experience, and we were on our way. 

As much as I hate to admit it, I've never tried the food trucks here before. This experience was new and interesting, but honestly I was a little nervous to eat the food as I passed the foggy exhaust pumping from behind the trucks.  Ummmmmmmmmm. Turns out this was a huge event. You pay $35 and get to sample something from each of the 10+ food trucks! Damn at least 10 tacos? That's too much food and I had a Katt Williams concert to attend in a few hours. I attempted to go by an individual taco from one of the food trucks and they said, "SORRY, you have to have the band, the complete food truck package." Again, I wasn't up for a feast so we decided to go grab some food down the street. We decided on world famous Price's Chicken Coop! 

 

If you know anything about this place, it's always packed and crazy with a multitude of lines happening at the same time! We slithered to the far left and waited patiently. This place is famous for fried chicken, but I was craving chicken tenders I couldn't wait to ask the attendant if they had any. We encountered an older white lady, with such a sweet face. I curiously asked if they had chicken tenders, and she gave me this look and said, "No honey we only have chicken on the BONE." She said this was such a sweet sincere tone, but gave me this look like GIRL DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE, you should have known better than to ask that question!! :) We were hungry and weren't sure what to order so we asked her advice. Over and over again she recommended the hush puppies - and dark meat chicken package. I told her I loved the "Bo-rounds" that I had one time before. (They are similar to small round fried hash browns.)  Oh no, she gave me ANOTHER look, like GIRLFRIEND NO YOU DIDN'T CALL OUR FRIED POTATOES BO-ROUNDS!!! Oh sweet lady "I'm so sorry" I said! She knew I was asking ridiculous questions, and we were both recognizing and enjoying the banter we were exchanging. It was such a sweet little thing we had going back-and-forth with each other, over hush puppies, fried potatoes and chicken. :) We ended up with a great rapport and took the recommendation on the dark meat package with hush puppies - and POTATO ROUNDS.

 

There were probably 10 active lines in this place with over 20 people in the building.  But we were talking like we were sipping sweet lemonade on a sunny country day.  No worries in the world, no pressure, and no where to be. I was impressed with her calm.

I couldn't help but I have a connection with the sweet older woman, her kindness was so heavenly, open, and free, you couldn't miss it. She was so engaging and I was captured by her sincerity. She then turned and looked to me and said, "Do you know why I love my job? Because I get to talk to people, like you. I love being around people and making conversation. Make sure you do what you love, because if you do what you love you will always be happy. I sat behind a desk for 30 years, and I quit my job to do this. I make a third of what I used to make, and I'm so happy." My heart was over flowing with emotion, , shock, joy, happiness, and amazement as I felt like this lady was placed into my life, at this moment, for a reason. If she only knew the exact situation I'm currently in. I turned to her and I said, "Guess what? I've been sitting behind a desk for 10 years and me and a couple of my friends on the verge of making a life changing decision, very similar to yours!" And she gave me that look again and said "YOU GO GIRL" and we gave each other a high-five! Our food was suddenly ready and we were on our way.  We were both blown away by this woman.  I wish I would've asked what her name was. But that sweet moment that her and I exchanged will never be forgotten. 

Sometimes in life the most random things happen. The timing is so bizarre you can't help but think it happened for a reason. We yearn for these type moments. It's in these moments that you are truly living in the present. Time stops and you are fully and completely engaged in the now.  It strikes you to the core, to the bone, and your heart is touched. 

Never under estimate the power of a smile, a sincere heart, and a genuine person. Kindness can change the world. I truly believe that, and that is now my mission. To prove how the power of love, the power of being kind, can make a bigger impact on the world than anyone realizes.  

Be the change you want to see in the world.  -Gandhi
 

The Beautiful Side of Heart💔break

Being vulnerable is a sure sign of maturity.  Beauty at its finest.  Right now my heart is talking to me so I've decided to pick up my pen.  I know others are going through heartbreak and I hope my thoughts and feelings comfort you - as you are not alone - and we can both realize how ridiculous we are for dwelling on a situation undeserving of all this attention and quickly get back to normal.  :)


You use to glow so vibrantly, but suddenly love withdrawals are debilitating to your workday. Life as you know it feels blank. Suddenly a blank canvas but all your tools are in some black hole somewhere. The routine, your friend, is gone. What happened?  He told me I was NOT the girl he would marry, that's what happened!

(You start to question yourself)

Did I react too fast? Should I try to talk to him one more time? I just don't get it? Just the other day he said.... And now?? UGHHHHH!

(Then comes Miss Independent)

He has no idea what he's missing! He is so dumb!  I know his ass is going to text me in a week.  Why is he so back and forth!  No one else would love him like I would.  Man I had it all wrong!

(The inner dialogue continues)

Why could I not see this coming?  Man I am such a hopeless romantic.  Does he really love me but he's scared?  Do I have patience to continue being his teacher hoping he will awake further and realize what's in front of him?!  If a guy cant see my worth WHY AM I THERE!??? 


My dad thinks I subconsciously date losers so if and when it doesn't work out I can turn around and be like "I don't want your dumb ass anyway!" That is hilarious, but eerily true? 

"Get yourself together.  You're missing a kid yard boy who doesn't know what he wants out of life yet.  Why this guy is the answer to Elizabeth's world says more about what you need to do than what he needs to do.  If you would stop making poor choices you could stop suffering!  Snap out of it!" 

"If he loves you, there should be no reason at all that he says to you to find someone who can make you happy and give you what you want. If he loves you, it should be HIS job to do those things - whether he feels he can right now or not, if he LOVES you he would work towards that. Make an effort, make drastic life changes, etc. To me, it seems like he's only saying he loves you now to help with the fact that y'all are over. It's like he's trying to be the martyr here and walk away the "nice guy" instead of the douche bag who broke your heart. He's trying to play like he didn't do you wrong and that his honestly makes up for the hurt he's caused, but it doesn't." 


Throughout all the ups and downs of heartbreak you feel so lost, confused, and stripped of your happiness.  You lack the ability to look forward and can only look in the past and question everything.  WHY???  But even through the hardest times, when you find yourself with no where to go but UP - you finally can see all the amazing things left within you:

• I'm still brave
• I'm still courageous
• I'm still fearless
• I still have my girlfriends
• I'm free
• I'm still beautiful
• My dancing skills are still on point
• I'm still fun
• I still have love in my heart
• I'm still smart
• I'm still making money
• I have not lost my swag  ;)
• I am worth loving

It's amazing how quickly you can get that pep back in your step!  It's almost like you MUST address all the phases of grief in order to really move forward.  Now all you need to do is get up and continue about your business - into the new life that awaits you. 


 

Daddy Advice on Love

Breakups are never easy, and they always hurt.  Especially when the guy you've felt the most connected to tells you you're not the woman he is supposed to marry.  Never in my life have I had a guy tell me that until yesterday.  Yeah.  Ouch. 

My Dad always has the most sincere and caring thoughts for me during times like this.  I had to share his amazing "daddy advice."  Enjoy.  :)



I'm so sorry things didn't work out. I know you invest a lot emotionally.

Sometimes it's only when truth hits us squarely in the face, that it's the only way we'll recognize it. Feel better and stronger that truth is still able to tap you on the shoulder. Vs being on a journey that continues in a circle vs forward.

See things like this as a gift, and not another setback. Harder initially. Easier eventually.

Ultimately I think you were just in different places. You can have a few areas that highlight and spotlight possibilities that you want so much, that you don't give strength to the items that don't fit. Lazily sitting obviously, but in the hidden smoky background.  My ex and I were an excellent example. I wanted so much for the few that shined, that I kept overlooking the majority that didn't.

It's a learning process for both of us, and all of us.

Happiness is out there. You have the tools in your tool belt to make better choices. It takes time to heal the wounds.  And ... make better choices. If things keep turning out the same, then your still going down the wrong path. It's so hard to change our emotional programming.

We grow thru life with a set of tools that aren't capable of producing the results we really need to move and evolve forward. You know this. You've found out about this. You speak this at times. At some point you'll learn to start using the new tools and not the old one's. That's what pain is always trying to tell and teach us.

Step back and heal. This too shall pass.  Try to see the real difference between the old tools and the new ones that you keep shiny but often put away. Eventually you'll understand why they're there, and how to better utilize them.

Love n Miss ya,

Dad

IN love

"We can love our pets. You need to be IN love with the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with." 

That was a quote from The Bachelor last night, and it really hit home for me. My last relationship: I was in love with him, and he just loved me. There is a big difference.  If someone tells you they love you, but they can turn around and walk away from you. That essentially means that they care for you deeply, and can willingly walk out of your life. I wish you the best!  LOL. That's not being IN love with someone. I've never heard someone compare the love of a pet to the love of a significant other. And this one sums it up very well. 

Don't love me like you love your dog or your cat. That's not the kind of love I'm looking for. :)